A brief history of a Sbilancia and a tattoo at 52.

At fifty-two I got my first tattoo. Almost by chance, I would say, if someone asked me in passing at the bar.

But that would be a lie. One of those small, polite lies you tell so you don't have to explain.

The truth is that I've been thinking about it for almost twenty years. Twenty years of “I'll do it one day”, Of “yes, but what?”, Of “What if I regret it later?”. Twenty years during which the drawing changed shape in your head, shifted, hid. Then one morning you realize you no longer need to wait for the right moment, because the right moment was just an elegant excuse.

And then the “almost by chance” it simply becomes the day you stop procrastinating.

I made the drawing myself

I didn't want to choose from a catalog. I didn't want a simple, beautiful symbol, the kind that looks good on anyone. I wanted something that looked good. only on me, even at the cost of not pleasing anyone else.

That's how I drew it. Three elements, intertwined until they become one:

• a Cross, straight, essential;
• a treble clef, which wraps around her like an embrace;
• someone musical notes, arranged like the stars of the constellation Libra and joined by a dotted line. But the constellation is incomplete.

I will return to that incompleteness shortly, because it is the most subtle part of all.

What does a cross and treble clef tattoo mean?

A tattoo that combines a cross and a treble clef usually tells the story of the connection between faith and music.. In my case it's not a bond: it's a mutual dependence. One thing holds the other together, and vice versa. I tried to summarize it in three sentences, knowing they won't be enough.

1. My faith supports my music

Look at the drawing: the cross is the pole, the vertical axis on which everything is supported.. The treble clef leans on it. Without that support, the music would fall to the side. It's not a holy card image: it's the way I work. When I write, when I sing, when a song just won't come out, there's something underneath that holds it together. I call it wedding ring because I couldn't find a better word.

2. Music embraces my faith

And then there's the opposite movement. The treble clef doesn't just rest: it wraps around the cross, tightens it, softens it.. Faith, by itself, can become rigid. Straight as a post, in fact. Music teaches it to bend, to breathe, to doubt with grace. I have never said certain prayers: I have sung them.

3. Music relieves suffering

This one needs no theological explanation. Anyone who's had a bad night and a good song knows what I'm talking about. Some people take an aspirin, some call a friend, some lock themselves in their car and turn up the volume until the pain becomes harmony. The cross is also this: the symbol of suffering par excellence. And intertwined above it is the very thing that has always made it bearable..

The constellation of Libra (with one arm missing)

I'm a Libra. And those who know me usually confirm all the clichés about this sign: balanced, diplomatic, peaceful. The kind of person who mediates, who smooths things over, who finds the right word to avoid arguments.

All true. On the surface.

But I always say that I am of the It unbalances.

Because those who know me well, and there are few, know that I can be exactly the opposite. That behind diplomacy lies a volcano that occasionally remembers it's a volcano. That balance is not a gift, but a daily, laborious, and sometimes unsuccessful exercise. That the peace I demonstrate is often a hard-won peace, not a natural one.

This is why in the tattoo the notes follow the constellation of Libra, but one of the arms is missing. It's not a mistake. It's a confession.

There's also an astronomical detail that amuses me. The two brightest stars in Libra are called Zubenelgenubi e Zubeneschamali, names of Arabic origin that mean more or less “the southern claw” e “the northern claw”. Because once upon a time those stars weren't a scale: they were the claws of Scorpio.

In short, even the most balanced constellation of the zodiac has a past with sharp pincers. I feel less alone.

Why a first tattoo at 52?

Many people have asked me this question, with the look of someone thinking about a midlife crisis: “But right now?”

Yes, right now. And I think I know why.

At twenty I would have tattooed an idea.

At thirty, perhaps, a membership.

At fifty-two I got a summary tattooed.

Not what I want to be, but what I am, with all the contradictions within. It takes time to know who you are well enough to write it on your skin without fear of changing your mind. And it takes even longer to accept that a part of you will always remain incomplete, and that's okay.

For those wondering, I'll answer briefly: yes, you can get your first tattoo at fifty or older. There's no right age. There's a point when getting a tattoo stops being a desire and becomes a necessity.

Dora's subtle line

A drawing on paper is an intention. On the skin, it becomes something else, and that requires a hand that understands.

Dora He did a marvelous job. He chose a thin, delicate line, with subtle shading that adds depth without weighing it down. The cross has a subtle three-dimensionality, the treble clef flows smoothly, and the dots of the constellation seem to have been drawn with breath. He doesn't scream. He whispers.

He knows perfectly well that even emptiness and the absence of color create shapes. And he proved it.

And it was exactly what I wanted: a tattoo that doesn't impose itself on the viewer, but speaks to the wearer. An intimate sign, not a public statement. I say this with a bit of irony, since I'm writing an article about it.

What remains when the ink dries?

There remains a cross that supports.

A music that embraces.

A pain that, if it doesn't go away, at least learns to sing.

And a Libra with one less arm, which will always lean a little to one side.

The motto of this blog says: «"I seek beauty everywhere. And if I don't find it, I create it."».

This time I searched for it for twenty years. I finally drew it. And now I carry it with me..

Unbalanced, but finally at peace.

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