Epiphany Protocol 2026: Oats, Cholesterol, and Ghosts

It's 8:38 PM on January 5th. While the world waits for coal, I try to negotiate gently.

No impossible requests this year. I wrote a semi-serious letter to Befana because, let's face it, she too has her ailments...

Dear Befana

Since you have a lot of work to do tonight, I thought I'd prepare a nice dessert for you instead of the usual biscuits or mandarin oranges.

I apologize for the milk, I hope you like the oat milk I usually drink... unfortunately I can't digest cow's milk.
I'd make you some hot tea but I don't know what time you'll arrive, I'm afraid it might get cold.
If you prefer fruit juice, just open the cupboard door and help yourself to your favorite drink.

Oh, and there's very little butter and just enough sugar in the dessert! I imagine, given your age, you need to keep your cholesterol levels under control and save some money on the dentist bill.
Ummm… no, no, I'm not suggesting you're old!!! But very wise! 😅

I couldn't find a stocking big enough, so I hung up 10 of them: I hope it doesn't cause any inconvenience or extra work.

Now I'm going to lick my hands... and my phone too 😅
I was supposed to wash my hands and then write you the letter, but I must have made a mistake. 🤷🏻‍♂️

Kind regards and bon appetit!