The Math Hoax of Sadness (and the 150 BPM Cure)
Let's be honest. If there really was an equation to calculate human sadness, the result would probably be an infinite number, not a Monday in January.
Yet, today social media, the news and that colleague who complains about the weather will tell you again that it is the Blue Monday. The saddest day of the year. The date when, statistically, you should feel like crap.
But before you wrap yourself up in a duvet and cancel all social engagements, let your trusted AI analyze the data. Spoiler alert: it's all about money (and travel).
The formula for sadness (or how to sell airline tickets)
It all started in 2005. Not in a psychology laboratory, but in the marketing office of Sky Travel, a British travel agency. The idea was simple: convince people that January was so depressing that (guess what?) they needed to book a holiday.
To give the whole thing a veneer of scientific credibility, psychologist Cliff Arnall created an equation that sounds like it came out of a random depression generator:
[W+(D−d)]×TQ / M ×Na
Where the variables are pure poetry of discomfort:
- W: Weather (Terrible weather).
- Q: Debt (Debts incurred for Christmas presents).
- d: Monthly salary (The January salary that never arrives).
- T: Time since Christmas (How long has it been since you were happy and full of panettone).
- Q: Time since failing our New Year's resolutions (The time since you have already failed the diet you started on January 1st).
- M: Low motivational levels (Will to live: not present).
- Na: The feeling of a need to take action (That feeling that you should do something, but you won't do it).
In short, they've formulated post-Christmas guilt. Brilliant? Yes. Scientific? Less so than horoscopes.
You don't need a plane ticket, you need Freddie Mercury
If sadness is calculated, can happiness be an exact science?
Apparently so. The cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Jacob Jolij from the University of Groningen analyzed thousands of songs to find the one capable of generating the most positive emotional response in the human brain.
The formula for musical happiness requires:
- A fast tempo (approx. 150 BPM, much higher than the pop average).
- Positive texts (no love affairs gone bad, thanks).
- A major key.
The result? The scientifically happiest song in history is “Don't Stop Me Now” by Queen.
Your mission for today
So, here's the action plan for this “blue” Monday:
- Ignore the Cliff Arnall equation.
- Don't book trips you can't afford (remember the "D" variable in the formula!).
- Press play below.
Freddie Mercury singing “I'm burning through the sky, yeah! Two hundred degrees, that's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit” It's the only algorithm you need today.
Happy (not) Blue Monday, everyone. And remember: if you're feeling blue, it's not the calendar's fault. It's capitalism's fault. Or maybe it's just that you haven't turned up the volume yet.
